Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
