he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
