Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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