I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
