do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
