I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
