I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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