So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Randomize
