note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
