I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
