elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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