Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This baby is an asshole
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
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