I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
