By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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