nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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