A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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