I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
