he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
