Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
