i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
