Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
