A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
