is your mom at the bar?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
