I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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