I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
