I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
