i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
