Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
