Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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