i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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