I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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