my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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