Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
