pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
