WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
