I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
