I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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