i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We are all done wearing pants today
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
