oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
