so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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