really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
