Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
