so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
