She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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