a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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