What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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