Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
