I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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