I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i love accidental penises.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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