just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i love accidental penises.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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