my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
