Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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